Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
