The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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