Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
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There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I smell like Dick and happiness
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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