omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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