A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Houston, we have a squirter
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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