Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
