You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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