Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
