I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm passing your future prison.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize