All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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