when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
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Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
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The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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