I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
