i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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