shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
