May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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