Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize