He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
