hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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