I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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