I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
dude i'm inner monologue high
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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