seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
