Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize