fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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