Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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