If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
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there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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