well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
