Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
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he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
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I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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