whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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