i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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