I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
