Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
