I can text with my tongue
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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