So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
