You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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