Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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