Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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