she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
