I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
tell me about the fingering
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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