Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
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That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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