you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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