worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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