Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize