Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
