You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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