Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize