Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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