Can Purell be used as lube?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
