WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You made out with two different species that night
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Randomize
