then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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