nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I checked into jail on foursquare
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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