You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
