i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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