some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
