didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
