I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
