Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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