Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.