Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.