So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.