who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy