I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
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she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
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I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.