i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Less talking, more tequila
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again