I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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