He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
