the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
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He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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