I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
