Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
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At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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