My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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