Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
