Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
