I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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