he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
