Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Randomize
