I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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